Then I thought the world was so much smaller, Feeling that I could fly.

So this whole blog is based off of an inspiration i got at church this Sunday. And i know when most people read that first sentence they will say “well lets see what andrew learned from his pastor this Sunday.” Let me say first I didn’t learn this from the sermon, even though the sermon was great. This life lesson I learned from a little boy during the 2nd service.

Most of you know that I go to Brentwood and have been serving as a greeter for the past semester. This means that after the 2nd service starts I end up hanging in the lobby with everyone else and just chatting. We have a break area where there are refreshments as well. This is where the lesson was learned.

I love talking to everyone back in the break area and this week was no different. Normally we do a trivia question of the week and that is always fun. This week though was different. This week one of the workers was watching his kid.

This kid taught me something about God.

Let me tell you the situation. I was back in the break area just talking and doing my normal thing and the kid had his face glued to the glass door and periodically would look back at his father and say “I can go outsiiiide?” To which his father would answer “Not yet, we have to wait till the service is over.” The kid would then turn around indignant and continue to stare out the glass door.

It was in that moment that i realized I’m just like that little kid. I think we all are in a way. We all have our faces glued to the glass door and keep turning around to God and asking “I can go outsiiiide?” God then looks lovingly at us and says “Not yet, you have to wait cause I have something BIG planned for you”

I say all this to say that as a little kid I was very much like the little kid that sunday. I was always wanting to go run and play and do things. I contribute this all to my being hyperactive. The only thing is I would have run out that door without completing the whole sentence the first time just to be free.

Back to the whole what I learned from that little kid and myself. All of us normally are like me as a little kid and would much rather run out the door the first time then have to sit and wait for God’s plan. Its human nature, or American Culture to want to do something as quick as possible, and as soon as possible. Yet God tells us to wait. We dont know why, and most times we get frustrated waiting and by the end would much rather be outside doing then sitting and waiting.

The father of the kid eventually after all the prodding picked up a piece of candy off the table and said “You can’t go outside, but you can have this.” The kid then proceeded to look outside one last time, turn back to the candy and begrudgingly say “oook.”

Again I think we all are like the kid in this story. We get impatient, we want the big goals that are on the other side of the glass door and even when God says “Here you can have this other awesome thing that I’m doing right now.” We all end up looking back at the door as if to say “Yea that candy is pretty awesome, but i mean cmon God do you see outside right now?”

The moral of all of this and pretty much why I decided to write this all down is to remind everyone including myself that yes outside looks amazing, but God will eventually open that door and let us go. Right now we have to be worried about the here and now and the opportunities that are directly in front of us. Yes we may end up changing the world when all is said and done, but I think that the “candy” is what will prepare us to ultimately going outside.

I mean, im assuming everyone has had candy before. In all of its sugary goodness it gives the little kid this energy boost to where he are able to run around a little longer outside.

So just like the candy gives the little kid an energy boost, the “candy” that God gives us (aka the things that he has planned for us right now that we think are small and meaningless) ultimately end up giving us that little extra energy when He finally opens the door and we are running around doing the big thing He planned.

Hope you got the same thing that I got from the little kid. And now maybe instead of pressing your nose to the glass door and settling for the candy, you and I can know that if we wait and do what God sets before us now that in the end we will get to the big stuff.

And I would have stayed up with you all night

This blog post has been on my mind for the past couple of days and putting it down is going to be hard so bare with me here. If you noticed (now you will) the title of this song is from The Fray, on a huge side note they are coming to LU and yea (im not going). But anyways this has been on my mind recently, here let me give you some back story.

So this weekend was the home opener for LU Baseball. I love Baseball. I love Baseball weather. Everything about baseball is great, and honestly this weekend was one i had been looking forward to since about 3 weeks ago. So this weekend hits and I get to enjoy baseball with great friends. One of my friends happens to play on the baseball team (well I have a couple, sorry PJ and Trey haha), but anyways like I was saying one of my friends, Kenneth, plays on the team. So like good friends do we hung out Friday night after the game and just chilled and it was fun.

Saturday rolls around and I go to the baseball game and have fun and all that. Then I get a text from him a little later saying you want to go see a movie. Funny thing is, I dont have a car which means I have no way to get to the movie theater. I say yes anyway and decide to take the bus.

I had never really heard of the movie that we were seeing, but decided I was going and nothing was stopping me (I mean a dollar for a movie, its a great deal haha). So I get down to the movie theater and the movie is To Save a Life.

Im not sure how many of you have seen it (if you have good, if you haven’t you need to!), but this movie was great. Its about teenage suicide and a guys life as he loses a friend and then basically finds Jesus and the whole dealing with that and life and high school thing. Great movie. And though I wasn’t brought to tears or anything (Kenneth said he almost cried like 3 times), I did get changed by it. I think.

Its interesting isnt it. The fact that things such as a movie or a song can change you. The way something so little and small can reach into your very essence and just move you. We dont see that a lot nowadays. Being moved that is. Sure we see plenty of movements. Especially in churches, there are plenty of people who are moved. And yet when you really think about it there aren’t that many people. I mean there are of course the missionaries who come and plead with the people to give. And sure that moves some people. But overall the church isnt moved by much these days. This is incredibly sad. In fact i posted this quote on my twitter earlier today “Jesus was more embraced by sinners than by the church. How does the world love better than the church?”

That statement may shock you. But its the truth. Something the movie pointed out was the fact that the youth group the guy was going to was full of hypocrites. Christians claim they love Jesus, and yet they live completely different lifestyles. If Jesus were to come back today, i dont think most churches would let Him in the door. And dont take this personally because the last thing im trying to do is to call anyone out. If anything i am calling myself out here because i know i do it a lot.

My first goal after seeing this movie. Stop being hypocritical.

Plain and simple, and yet it has to be one of the easiest things you can ever say and the hardest things you can ever do.

There was also a great quote in the movie from the main character. And I dont remember it word for word but it went something like this. “Do you think there was something I could have said or done that could have saved him?”

Thats a big question.

How many people do you walk past in a day that you overlook?

I know for me its to many to count. People that could be hurting or dying on the inside that i dont give the time of day.

People that could just need that one person to reach out. People that say “If no one talks to me today Im going to end it all tonight”

I know i wasnt the most popular guy in high school, but i was guilty of leaving the “less cool” out of whatever hangout was going on.

I feel ashamed of that now. I dont know what was going on with that person. And yet i may not have verbally been mean to him, but i stood by and let it happen which makes me just as guilty.

My second goal after the movie is talking to people who just look lonely, people who i see by themselves all the time. people who i normally wouldn’t give the time of day because im to “busy” or whatever excuse i decide to come up with as i pass them.

I dont really have a third goal since i hadnt really thought about making goals until i put the first one up there haha. But i would say that this stuff isnt easy. Doing these things is not one of those natural things to do. It is hard work. But the hardest work you can do can eventually change someones life.

I think i need to reconnect with some old friends who i became “to cool” for during high school. I need to start living out what I say. I need to start loving Jesus like i am supposed to love Jesus.

And to think i got all of this from one movie.

-th3rd

You’re the Closest To Heaven that I’ll Ever Be

Yes that is right, I am writing another blog. I know its shocking. There will be months between posts, and then there will be weeks like this where I write multiple ones over the course of a couple of days. Don’t worry the world isn’t coming to an end (as far as i know). So to what I was going to write about before you had a minor flip out.

Well I have been thinking recently (sometimes thinking can be a good thing). And I have thought who are the 5 people I would want to meet in Heaven if I had to choose right now. And well this is a tough decision, but here I’m going to give a go at it.

Habakkuk: Yes I said Habakkuk. You know that guy who wrote the book of that tiny book of the Bible in the Old Testament. I know most people would say why not Isaiah or Jeremiah or somebody big like that. My response is simple, go read Habakkuk 3 and tell me that you wouldn’t want to meet this dude. I mean God tells him that He is going to destroy the Israelites and give them over to the Assyrians. And after all this Habakkuk doesn’t whine and complain, but instead says “yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior. The Sovereign LORD is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights.” That is such a great response to calamity and honestly I would just sit and ask Habakkuk what it was like to get the inside on what was about to happen and how he was able to then praise God through it all.

Abe Lincoln: Who doesn’t want to meet Abe Lincoln? I mean cmon now, he is one of the coolest presidents ever. But in all reality, he is my 2nd favorite president ever (sorry Abe). I would love to talk with him though and get to know what it was like to have to try and govern a country that was in such turmoil. I would also like to discuss with him the whole assassination thing. I mean I think he got a bad rap. I’m sure if he could go back and do it over again he would have put a guard or something outside his booth or at least be aware of the things that were around him instead of focusing on the play. C’mon Abe, thats bush league!

Andrew Jackson: Like I said Abe isn’t my favorite president. This guy is. So sticking with the whole presidential thing, I would want to meet him as well. This dude was such a great president. I mean people hated him, but he got the job done. I respect him for this, plus he wasn’t afraid to beat people up on occasion. There is one story of a guy attempting to assassinate him and the guns misfired, so Jackson used his cane to beat the crap out of the guy. Such an awesome president, some people who want to be president need to learn from him and emulate this man right here.

John: You know that guy who wrote John, and 1 John, 2 John, 3 John, and Revelation. Yea, that John. I would again just love to sit and listen to him talk. I mean he seemed like he had it all together from what I can get from my Bible. He was one of Jesus’ favorite disciples, and that must have been a huge deal. Honestly though, unlike most people, I don’t think this made John cocky or arrogant. What I get from John is a very big case of humility, which is why I would love to just sit and talk with him and fellowship with him. Imagine having him as your pastor? That would be nuts. I mean just reading his books I feel like I already know John, he is really that personable to me. I really think that our conversation would last for awhile, and I wouldn’t do much talking in it. Think about it, getting every miracle Jesus ever did from this guy would be awesome.

Babe Ruth: I’m a sports guy, so of course a sports phenom would have to make my list of who I want to talk to when I get to heaven. This would be another great talk I believe. I would deff ask him if he thinks he could have hit as many homeruns as Barry Bonds had he not started as a pitcher. I would also ask him what he would have done had he been alive when Hank Aaron broke his record. I would like to think that the Babe would have congratulated him at home plate. I would also love to ask him if he would have stopped smoking and started eating healthier had he realized it would have shortened his Baseball days. I mean think about it, an in shape Babe Ruth would still hold the all time homerun record in my opinion. He would be one of the guys that I would just sit and ask him about what it was like playing in his day and what he thought of steroids and just being able to talk the game of baseball with him. I would deff ask him if he thought he could have been better than Cy Young had he stuck with pitching (I mean he was a heck of a pitcher). Overall I think me and Babe would have a nice long chat about how great baseball is, and then we would argue who would be on our All Time team (Babe would put all these old timers on there… I mean Cy was good, but you got to start Satchel Paige no matter what)

So there it is, the 5 people that I would want to talk to when I got to heaven. Granted there are like a billion more people that I would want to talk to as well, but hey I didn’t have that much room and plus I knew if I went any longer than 5 people would start rioting over how long my blog post was. So hope you enjoyed it and hope it got you thinking of who you would talk to in Heaven

-Th3rd

There Is a Fountain

There is a fountain filled with blood
drawn from Emmanuel’s veins;
and sinners plunged beneath that flood
lose all their guilty stains.
Lose all their guilty stains,
lose all their guilty stains;
and sinners plunged beneath that flood
lose all their guilty stains.

Great song right? its one of my personal favorites. every time i think of it i think wow, God had to die for me and i had to be cleansed by his blood. powerful stuff right?

So I have been thinking a lot lately. mostly about my future and what I will do after college. Even though this is quite some time away for me its still good to think about and all. I think it mostly comes from a lot of my friends graduating this year and moving on to bigger things.

I would be lying if i told you that i have it all figured out and that i am going to do such and such after i graduate. I still have goals that i need to meet (like going to every continent before 25, I need South America, Africa, and Australia… we all no Antarctica doesn’t count haha) But it still has gotten me thinking of what will happen when I graduate.

I have talked with some people about it and have said “I think I’m going to do grad school and get at least my Masters” I mean i know for sure that I want to be a pastor so may as well get a degree for it right? Though this brings up a good point that I would just like to mention in passing. Today in Convocation (I go to Liberty, Convocation is like Chapel and we have it every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday) Ed Stetzer spoke. He said “I don’t know who lied to you all, but you don’t have to be a pastor to start a church. If you see the need of a church in an area start it. I don’t care what your profession is.” This really caught me because I have always grown up with the idea that you have to go to Seminary and be an ordained pastor to do big things church wise.

This all to say no im not going to skip out on Seminary, just that it got me thinking.

So back to my future. Me and one of my friends (Jon Floyd) have always talked about starting a church. Recently we have talked about starting one over in Africa. This is one of my goals to complete in life, I really think that we can make a difference over there and really feel that God is moving for that to happen. But like an 20 year old (almost 21 year old) I have more than 1 life goal. I mean what would life be without at least 3 or 4 things you want to do with your life.

I have always wanted to do ministry in some aspect with Basketball. I mean, i love the game of Basketball and i think that using it as a tool to do ministry is something I would be great at. I know of a missionary that we supported for awhile that was over in the Middle East and Africa doing this exact thing. So I could see this potentially becoming something I do with the rest of my life. Even if I only do it on the side and as a part of the Church that I am involved with starting in Africa. I think its realistic to say that I could do both and not suffer under to much stress.

My next goal is to if not start a church in America to at least partner with a Church and start some sort of movement. We always talk of how we want to see movements happen in Christianity, and yet few times I actually see people moving to make this dream a reality. I think in partnering with Churches I can possibly show them that yes there are lost people in America and we need to reach them first, but we also need to reach the world. I hope that at some point and through some way I find that proper balance of reaching the world and reaching our Jerusalem. In all honesty though as long as the Church I am partnering with is doing some sort of outreach I will not complain. Its when the Church stops doing outreach that there becomes a problem.

My first 3 goals are very realistic and very feasible. They are the typical Liberty Christian Student goals. And as much as i hate being stereotypical I do really see myself doing ministry full time as a pastor at a church. Its just how it is and I can’t help the fact that every other Liberty student says the same thing, the only thing i can say is I’m not going to change my mind about it and will be reaching for these 3 goals wherever i am.

My 4th goal is probably my most unrealistic goal of all. I’m going to suppose that not everyone who reads this blog has heard of Tooth and Nail. So for a quick background Tooth and Nail is predominately Christian Record Company that isn’t your stereotypical Christian Music. My 4th goal in life is to start a Record Company very similar to this. I have always thought that if its Christian it should be better, and sadly in music Christians seem to be lacking. This is why i want to start a Record company, but not a solely Christian record company, though i would mostly sign Christian bands. I just think that to influence people you can’t be separate from those people. And this is not to take a knock at solely Christian record labels, but i mean outside of Christian circles, who really knows who Casting Crowns is?? or any band like that for that matter. I want to be able to have outreach like Jesus had outreach. To have bands who live differently than what is the stereotype for those bands, but also eat with the sinners and are positive influences to the world. I think that even though this is my most unrealistic goal, it is one of my best goals.

Of course I think of life goals daily, so these are just the big 4 that i decided to write about. Honestly I just want to be used by God to do something great in the world, and just like the song says

Ever since, by faith, I saw the stream
thy flowing wounds supply,
redeeming love has been my theme,
and shall be till I die.

-Th3rd

It Belongs To Them Lets Give It Back

So to start this blog i wanted to say that I am really sorry that I have not been posting as of late. I have had things that I have wanted to say, but unfortunately never got around to posting anything.

On to the actual blog, I really want to talk about school and God and you know the normal stuff.

I have started  my 2nd semester as a sophomore and am loving it. I believe this is because I have finally settled into a major that I know that I can enjoy and actually do something with after all is said and done. I know that it sounds weird and all but i can actually see where I’m going in all of this.

Does this mean i have life figured out and everything is just peachy?? By far i would say no!

I will say this, i have been teaching through John 11 in my prayer group the past couple weeks and something hit me that I am going to share with everyone

Well first let me set it up with the actual verses:

³⁸Jesus, once more deeply moved, came to the tomb. It was a cave with a stone laid across the entrance. ³⁹“Take away the stone,” he said.
“But, Lord,” said Martha, the sister of the dead man, “by this time there is a bad odor, for he has been there four days.”⁴⁰Then Jesus said, “Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?”

So many who read my blog have most likely heard this verse a lot over the years. But something struck me as I was going through it this time. Now this is my own personal interpretation to the verse so dont kill me over it. But hopefully you will get something out of it as well.

So here is what caught my eyes. I started reading and Jesus said “Take away the stone” and then Martha runs up and says, “Jesus, he has been dead 4 days and stinks”

This struck me. How many times in my life has Jesus said “Take away the stone” and I said “Hey, hold up there Jesus. I know whats behind that stone and i know it smells. Its really bad behind there and you aren’t going to like it”

Of course than Jesus comes back and says “Why don’t you believe in me? If you believe you will see the Glory of God”

And of course we know how the story ends. Lazarus gets raised from the dead.

So now you are asking, hey andrew what are you trying to talk about here. Well I am trying to say that I’m sick of hiding stuff behind the stones of life. I’m ready to remove the stones and let God raise things I never thought could be raised.

Hopefully you will get the same thing out of it, and if not at least now you know where I stand on the matter

Thanks for reading, and i will try to write more as the semester goes on.

Th3rd

Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream, Cream Soda and Growing Up

I have sat down to write this blog for a week now. Nothing has seemed to come out, i even erased a couple of them because they were to brutally honest. But here it goes.

I really don’t know what I want to write on at this moment, I know that i want to get in my car and drive, maybe home, but most likely just go and not look back.

I love liberty, don’t get me wrong. This is not to run from things that I don’t like here, but i do feel like getting away. In fact I think sometimes we all need to get away at points. I have been here for almost 3 months this semester. Honestly it has started to drive me crazy

Have you ever had that feeling that you are meant for greatness? I have that feeling all the time, then something happens and I end up screwing up. Maybe one time I won’t screw up and actually do what I am meant to be doing.

One of my friends was talking to me last night and said something that stuck with me. Welcome to growing up. Honestly growing up sucks. It could be the hardest thing i have ever done, I always joke that I will do such and such when I grow up. I don’t want to grow up ever. In fact i would rather stay a kid at heart then have to be thrown into a grown up world. Growing up really does suck, but i feel as though by growing up i am doing what i am meant to be doing. It sounds weird but i feel as though God is pointing me towards huge things, and yet every time i think it all is how it should be, i get a curverball.

Another one of my friends and I have had this grand plan of planting a church since we were in like 11th grade. He txtd me the other day and said, “Hey i think we should plant a church in South Africa”. Little did he know that i wanted to be a missionary there. So i felt that was a huge God thing. Now i have no idea where God wants me to go. I just know that I am supposed to be where i am for a reason, and yet i sit and think about it and wonder what that reason is.

So honestly this blog has been everywhere and back again.

All this to say i have no idea where I am supposed to be anymore. I have been thrown to many curveballs over the past couple of days and seen God open and close doors. I wish God could just be like ‘Hey andrew this is what i want you doing so go do it’. I guess thats the whole point of growing up though. God knows what we are supposed to be doing, but gives us the option to do other things. He lets us fail and mess up.

I have messed up a lot

I guess this time i will just have to trust and say I know that God has this in His plan.

So here it is

I am growing up.

-Andrew

Indigo is no longer a color

Really? Indigo? yep its not a color. shocking i know, now you got to relearn ROYGBIV without the I. its just ROYGBV. that kinda sucks. but anyways on to my blog post.

so i am slowly realizing that everything from my childhood is getting reversed as i get older. i mean indigo isnt a color. and then they took pluto and said nope not a planet. they need to stop messing with my head and lying to me. i feel deceived. all of this to say that even though we may have been lied to it was a good lie.

i mean think about it, it is like the santa lie. i can blame everything on that lie and i will prove it. the two people you trusted the most lied to you and told you that a big fat jovial man brings you presents. when you learn this is not the truth your whole world comes crashing down around you. this turns into teen angst. this is what is wrong with teens haha. blame it all on santa and the big lie. though i am half joking in all honesty it is true. i feel like for the majority of life we get lied to and betrayed. whether it is by well doers or by the not so well doers it still happens. but i think we need this to happen.

without being lied to i dont think we would grow up exactly how we are to grow up. and really all the lies that are small in comparison when we are younger prepare us for the lies that happen later on in life. like the lie that someone loves you when they dont.

i have had this lie thrown at me a lot.

this is my story of how i got closure.

so my last relationship ended really weird, she broke up with me over facebook chat. freaking facebook chat. 8+ months later i realized i was still kind of bitter about the fact. i talked with one of my friends about it and he said if you are ever going to get over the bitterness you will have to forgive her and not just say i forgive her but tell her that you forgive her. this was huge for me considering i had just cut the person out of my life and had completely avoided her at every turn. but i manned up and did a lot of praying. i finally got the courage and told her that i was sorry and that i forgave her for how we ended. surprise of all surprises she said that she was thankful i forgave her and was also sorry for how it ended. now this doesnt mean i like the person again, even as a friend. that healing will hopefully come though and i may even allow her status’ back onto my wall (again i completely cut her off). but when i told her that i was sorry and forgave her i felt like one of the greatest weights had been lifted off my shoulders. i felt that even though that experience sucked and i would have liked it to happen differently, that it still happened and by dealing with it, it liberated me. there is a great quote that i am going to put right here:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. 
Our deepest fear is that we powerful beyond measure. 
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. 

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? 
Actually, who are you not to be? 
You are a child of god.  Your playing small doesn’t serve the world.

There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.  
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. 
It’s not just in some of us, it’s in everyone. 

And, as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

i think it applies here. i let the fear that this thing could liberate me to be powerful again hinder me. but in confronting that fear it made me realize that by liberating myself i liberated someone else as well.

this has helped me realize that with this closure i can actually move on into a new relationship without carrying the baggage of the old one. i wrote a note awhile back that said i was ready for a relationship. i still believe i am. but this time i know that i really am because i have been liberated. and in this liberation i am free.

maybe this will help liberate you as well.

-Andrew

What is Love?

General question here: How do you show love?

seems like a simple question and yet honestly i couldnt tell you my answer at this moment. i guess i show love by being kind, being nice, and you know all that good stuff. yet it seems like everyone misses some aspect of love in however they show it.

i mean think about it. you show love either because you love the person and want them to reciprocate the love, or because they love you and you in turn feel obligated to love them back. is this wrong though, i mean what would pure love look like? im saying love that didnt care whether they were loved or being loved back. i think this kind of love would change the world. but the question still remains, how do i show this kind of love?

well i mean the simple answer would most likely be jesus correct?

i show this love by showing jesus, and yet i feel like its a cop out to say well just show jesus and you show love. because i mean its a good thing to say and we get away with saying it a lot, yet im not sure i have ever met someone who 24/7/365 showed jesus. i think that it is pretty much impossible to do every single minute of every single hour of every single day. i mean we are human and we fail. so how do we show a love that is impossible for us to show?

honestly this blog has been on my mind for like 3 weeks now. and i have been wondering, does saying i love you really mean anything? is it just something we say because we feel obligated in some way or another to say it?  i wonder what other people would say love is?

i have read a lot about love and how to love. i think love does free us, it frees us to be who we were meant to be in a real sense. im pretty sure love is one of the purest things on earth as well, well at least love in its true sense, not the love that we see on tv or the love that is in the movies. i think the way that we can begin to love better, is to love ourselves. you would be surprised how many people struggle with loving themselves. shoot i am one of those people. but i figure if i can love me then it doesnt matter if other people love me, and if they do love me then hurrah. love is one of the greatest things that anyone can ever experience, yet there are so many people who will never be able to experience true love. this is a sad fact.

go love someone. go love yourself. wake up to the realization that jesus loves you (and no thats not a cliche). maybe then we can stop talking about changing the world, and actually go out and change the world.

-Andrew

I just know when kids dance together they become sexually irresponsible

ok so to be honest the title has nothing to do with what i am going to write about. it did however catch your eye. and yes i am currently sitting here watching footloose with 2 guys from my dorm. footloose is perhaps the weirdest movie i have ever watched, what the eff, this is rated PG?? really? haha. but anyways on to what i had planned on writing.

so i have been going to brentwood since middle of last semester. it is one of the most amazing churches i have been to. to be honest i have felt like leaving and going to another church two times. i don’t know why because i love the church and the people there. but i just felt like leaving and going to another church. instead i filled out a card last week saying i want to serve in anyway possible. i made a commitment and honestly i am happy that i have done this.

so today was my first alter call experience at brentwood. brentwood doesn’t do many alter calls. its just how it works. the pastor normally ends the sermon by saying go out and change the world. instead today he did an alter call. i was glued to my seat.

i should preface this

i woke up this morning at 1040. rolled over turned my alarm off and proceed to roll back over and wait to see if i got up. something inside of me just kept saying, “its been a hard week, just sleep in, don’t go to church”. i pushed that to the side and eventually got up at 1105 and got to church right on time at 1130.

now back to the matter at hand

craziest thing happened when i got to church. the pastor prefaced his sermon by saying, “i know that some of you have had battles just making it to church today”. i was like hole lee crap that is me! he then talked about psalm 139 and how we all carry around our weights, our own personal sins that we struggle with daily. and how we are not called to do that but to confess and be broken over our sin so that we can lead nonbelievers to christ.

im not going to lie, something struck a chord in me today during that message

this is for however many people read this blog. but i have failed so many times in life. i never have struggled with big sins like alcohol or anything, but i still have failed. i have failed to the point where i can say well its inside of my computer screen, and inside of my computer screen no one else can know. today i realized i have never unpacked these sins. sure i told some people, and i got right with God and i still fail, but i have never revealed this much to any one. i think its the way that satan gets us, he makes us think that we are the only ones who fail and that no one else can relate to us. this is simply untrue. so here i am, unpacking my sins to everyone the best way i know how.

i have struggled with this sin, and in this sin i have failed so many times. i even tried as many ideas as people can give me. unfortunately none of this helped because i just rationalized every time i failed. every guy does it right? but unfortunately it doesn’t change the fact that i failed.

and now im sick of failing and hiding.

im sick of suppressing and defending.

so maybe this will help someone else that is hurting and struggling, maybe some people will be in shock. and hopefully this will be where i stand and say once and for all that im done with that sin forever.

Where is the message of hope; when I’m sick and I’m all alone?
Why do I listen to doubt?

Why do I shut you out?
You’re what I need the most.

this has been one of the hardest blog post i have written

hopefully though it will be the last time i have to admit to failing, and even more so i hope that God can use this failure and turn it in to success in the kingdom of God

Break

and

Confess

-Andrew

We get along like a house on fire

So we go through the motions
leaving you hopeless
I’ll break you with these tired eyes in good time

so i have been single now since december. 8 months. not going to lie, it has been amazing being single. i have learned over that time and matured over that time to realize that 8 months ago i was in no place for a serious relationship. not to say im not still screwed up right now, i mean i am. i have finally taken the steps though to correct what was wrong. it seemed like everytime i got interested in a girl she took the throne of my heart. and with that God would always be working on me, and i would know it was wrong, but honestly sometimes wrong things can feel so right at times.

all this to say, i really do think im ready for a serious, God centered, mature relationship. this is not to say i saw a cute girl the first week of class, but it is to say that i know where my life is headed, and i know that God has made me want a companion to go through life with.

for those who know, or those who care spiritual emphasis week is coming up with clayton king. for those who know clayton king, they know why i put him here. he normally does the year challenge, saying give a year of singleness to God and all that. great stuff and i am in no way knocking what he is preaching. i have had 2 separate conversations about this very thing just tonight. there are a lot of really good looking ladies at liberty. that is the truth. if this challenge is issued this year, there will be a lot of good looking single ladies at liberty. 8 months of no relationship has made me realize that a year of dedication to God isn’t a bad thing. on my part it was not intentional, which is why i believe it has been very easy for me to stay single. i think that when you commit a year to God, satan is going to bombard you a whole lot with the next cute option that comes your way. one of my friends even made a remark “you got to save her before she commits a year to God.” is this what we have come to? where singleness has become something that we have to be saved from?

another of my friends has been single for 4 years. he has said that he has had plenty of options, but taken none. this is his choice and i respect him for that. but this is not me. 8 months ago i was in love with the idea of being in love. now i can’t stop loving.

people seem to always throw the word hate around a lot these days. i do it all the time. i try not to anymore, cause that idea of being in love with love got to me. just like when i put the girl on the throne, i was putting love on the throne as well. now i have realized my mistake and God occupies the throne, and out of that i have learned that love is one of the easiest things to do. i mean God loved me through 2 really bad relationships last year. and yet i can’t love someone who says something i simply disagree with?

so in essence, yes i want a girlfriend, or whatever you decide to call it that is hip and cool and in today. but more then that i want a friend who will point me to God and say its not about the relationship we are in, but about the one we serve in the relationship.

im 8 months into singleness, and i have never been so in love in my life.

It’s 3 a.m. and I’m outside of your window
screaming my lungs out, cause I want the world to know

Love,

Andrew