Indigo is no longer a color

Really? Indigo? yep its not a color. shocking i know, now you got to relearn ROYGBIV without the I. its just ROYGBV. that kinda sucks. but anyways on to my blog post.

so i am slowly realizing that everything from my childhood is getting reversed as i get older. i mean indigo isnt a color. and then they took pluto and said nope not a planet. they need to stop messing with my head and lying to me. i feel deceived. all of this to say that even though we may have been lied to it was a good lie.

i mean think about it, it is like the santa lie. i can blame everything on that lie and i will prove it. the two people you trusted the most lied to you and told you that a big fat jovial man brings you presents. when you learn this is not the truth your whole world comes crashing down around you. this turns into teen angst. this is what is wrong with teens haha. blame it all on santa and the big lie. though i am half joking in all honesty it is true. i feel like for the majority of life we get lied to and betrayed. whether it is by well doers or by the not so well doers it still happens. but i think we need this to happen.

without being lied to i dont think we would grow up exactly how we are to grow up. and really all the lies that are small in comparison when we are younger prepare us for the lies that happen later on in life. like the lie that someone loves you when they dont.

i have had this lie thrown at me a lot.

this is my story of how i got closure.

so my last relationship ended really weird, she broke up with me over facebook chat. freaking facebook chat. 8+ months later i realized i was still kind of bitter about the fact. i talked with one of my friends about it and he said if you are ever going to get over the bitterness you will have to forgive her and not just say i forgive her but tell her that you forgive her. this was huge for me considering i had just cut the person out of my life and had completely avoided her at every turn. but i manned up and did a lot of praying. i finally got the courage and told her that i was sorry and that i forgave her for how we ended. surprise of all surprises she said that she was thankful i forgave her and was also sorry for how it ended. now this doesnt mean i like the person again, even as a friend. that healing will hopefully come though and i may even allow her status’ back onto my wall (again i completely cut her off). but when i told her that i was sorry and forgave her i felt like one of the greatest weights had been lifted off my shoulders. i felt that even though that experience sucked and i would have liked it to happen differently, that it still happened and by dealing with it, it liberated me. there is a great quote that i am going to put right here:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. 
Our deepest fear is that we powerful beyond measure. 
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. 

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? 
Actually, who are you not to be? 
You are a child of god.  Your playing small doesn’t serve the world.

There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.  
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. 
It’s not just in some of us, it’s in everyone. 

And, as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

i think it applies here. i let the fear that this thing could liberate me to be powerful again hinder me. but in confronting that fear it made me realize that by liberating myself i liberated someone else as well.

this has helped me realize that with this closure i can actually move on into a new relationship without carrying the baggage of the old one. i wrote a note awhile back that said i was ready for a relationship. i still believe i am. but this time i know that i really am because i have been liberated. and in this liberation i am free.

maybe this will help liberate you as well.

-Andrew